Losing pride,losing dignity,losing confidence

Study is suppose to be something fun and enjoying...i should have enjoy the process but not the result..but it is hard to accept it at a short moment..i am not angry, i am not the worst one, but i am not satisfy..i am disappointed with myself..disappointed of the result that i have produced..disappointed with my hand, disappointed with my brain,disappointed of what i have done to my exam..i do not enjoy my life now..lonely school, stressed life and pressured days..i knew i shoudnt have thought that way but it is something out of my control..i cant control my mind..i tried to work hard for it but i still cannot achieve the desired result that i want...ya it is true..it happens to people who used to be at the top but now falling all the way down..not falling too bad..just falling to an unsatisfactory level..i am stupid, i am ego, i am stubborn, i am kiasu..i admit it...i tried to change my mind set that it is ok to be worst than others but this is something that i cant do it at the short moment..it needs time...i need time to adapt myself...i need time...i know that since we have done our very best we should not care what the result is...all tiz theory i knew it very well..i have heard it alot..but when it comes to really understanding the meaning behind it,it is really tough..all the advises that i have heard before i could remember it very well..but it is just hard..very hard to really put down the disappointment that i felt..everytime when exam reached, i tried harder and harder juz to get the satisfactory feeling...but now the more i tried and pushed, the more i fall..it is something underneath my feelings...the disappointment and sadness and pressure are all beneath it..i always wanted to hide it but i cant ..it conveys naturally..i know i shouldnt have felt thiz way..i know that i should accept the extend that i can go...but thiz is not wat i wan...i dont want to stop myself at thiz level..i want back that satisfaction that i have before..but the more i pushed myself..the more i felt disappointed...is my expectation too high???i expect for something that i could not reach??? i need to find a way out of this...everything comes too fast..it is something i have never expect in my life..it is up and downs in life..i know..but i need time...i need time to adapt with everything that i am goin through now....if i can get through this,i will be able to stand up and shine again...it is tough now but i am sure that i can get through it..things that we met often will be usual to us...it is all because it is the condition that i have never met before..condition that i have never expected to be so bad...but i can go through it..i know i can...i know what i am doing and i understand my condition...it is all the matter of time and adjustment...friends and family..do not worry about me..it is all mental thought that i am goin through..one of the downs that i am going through..i will be fine..just give me some time to get use to falling down...i wont be crazy because of this...dont worry...i felt so disappointed with myself not because of the good and smart people in my class, juz that study has always been something that i am proud of myself but now i am not doing as good as usual..it is like shaving a lion's hair..a lion without its hair loses all his pride and dignity...it happens the same way to me..losing my study means losing my pride..thats is y it felt so bad..but dont worry, hair will grow same as my confidence will slowly be build up again too..so..do not need worry about me..it will grow someday but it takes time...